Re-imagining the Zeta Principles
Lately, me and one of the ladies I live with have been doing a thing where, she needs to go outside, but, for the sake of her paws it's too cold out to do a proper really long walk. Plus, her pulling me around on icy sidewalks, it's kinda exciting don't get me wrong, but with this many years of dogs pulling me around on ice, I feel like I'm temping an Actually Bad fall one of these days, like, where I break something, instead of lying there in the snow patting all of my bones and being like "hahaha oh my dog, that fall was wicked, how did I not break anything, some kind of angel-adjacent entity must be looking out." So anyways, what me and this lady I live with now will do is, off-leash, she and I will do a lap or two around the building that we live in. She gets to run around at her own pace, which is a much faster pace than I would run around at. She gets at least some of her needed play and exercise in, I don't fall on ice and become a pile of cartoon skeleton bones, and then we go back inside, and usually we'll play for a bit on the carpet tugging around with her toys, before it's time for me to attend to one of the not-exciting human things I always have to do, like taking care of dishes or folding laundry or whatever it is that I am always so obsessed with on the laptops.
Me and this dog don't have sex, by the way. Hi welcome to Zooey Dot Pub, a lifestyle magazine for zoosexuals, I really hope this is your first article ever so that you could read that and be like, "...I never in a thousand years would have assumed you and the dog would be having sex. Why did you bring that up?"
I hang out and chat with a lot of people who do have sex with dogs, or have had sex with dogs in the past, or have had sex with other animals. Bestiality, zoophilia, zoophiles, zoosexuality, zoosexuals, etc. It can be a ton of fun and can help form an unbelievably intimate and loving bond with the more-legged other. (Have any zoos been with kangaroos? I always say four-legger, but then I wonder about seemingly more rare cases where, sure, maybe the animal also has two legs, I guess.)
Anyways, I'm in the category of "have had sex with dogs in the past," as it stands right now. Loved it, they also loved it, it was a thing for many good years, but that's just incidentally not the kind of relationship I have with any animals at present. Currently all of the dogs I know, the love we have is very far to the platonic side.
Anyways, did you know there's a list of seven rules I have to follow if I want to be considered a cool real good nice ethical zoophile? If this isn't your first article, and you've been around the zoo community for a while, you probably do know what I'm talking about. If you're not a zoophile, and this is your first article, and you don't know what I'm talking about at all, then hearing that there's a list of seven zoophile rules probably sounded like a super weird twist. Like, right? Gays don't have seven rules, my trans friends don't have seven rules at least as far as I've ever heard them tell me about. Zoophilia, and zoophilia specifically, has rules?
I wanna look at these rules, and go over some of my exaltations of what they represent, as well as give some critiques as someone with an extensive background in reading important things and fixing bugs in them.
So, with that said: Awoooo! Alissa here, player-with of dogs, "dog player" if you will. I think the Zeta Principles are good, but I also think we're super-duper capable of doing even better.
The ZETA principles are:
1) Bestow upon animals the same kindness one would wish bestowed upon oneself.
2) Consider the well being of an animal companion as important as ones own.
3) Place the animal’s will and well being ahead of ones desires for sexual gratification.
4) Teach those who seek knowledge about zoophilia and bestiality without promoting it.
5) Discourage the practice of bestiality in the presence of fetish seekers.
6) Censure sexual exploitation of animals for the purpose of financial gain.
7) Censure those who practice and promote animal sexual abuse.
Like, hey, that's good stuff, right? Point Number One, The Golden Rule Also Applies To Animals, I love it, that's possibly the best thing that could conceivably ever be included, it's THE point, it's wonderful.
Points one, two, and three, I love. Although... they're kind of repetitive? Like, 1) treat animals as important moral entities. 2) keep doing that in the context of health and wellness. 3) also keep doing that in the context of "don't rape them." Like, no disagreement that all of these are important, I'm just saying it's a little weird to make it three points, that are all kind of saying the same thing.
Point seven, "Censure those who practice and promote animal sexual abuse." I agree with the point it's making, but I think we have a reader-friendliness concern here. I don't know ANYONE who uses the word "censure" in this way. "Censure," when spelled c-e-n-s-u-r-e, means to express strong condemnation of something. It's a different word than censor, meaning, like, to cover up swearing on a TV show. The Zeta Principles use the word "censure" twice, and this is quite possibly the only piece of text in the entire world I have ever seen "censure" appear in. So I think instead, if nothing else, these should be changed to "condemn," so that we all know what we're talking about here.
Quick positive note: Someone who lives by these principles is probably a good example of a zoosexual, as far as their treatment of animals is concerned. Even as I give negative notes, I want to make it clear that it's not because I think the Zeta Principles represent evil behavior or anything. I'm strictly trying to be constructive here. If there was a misspelled word in the Zeta Principles, I would point it out so that we could fix it. Similarly, I want us to be able to look at something that might have more weird-assumption-based flaws, and fix those too.
So like, for example, point five, "Discourage the practice of bestiality in the presence of fetish seekers." What is a fetish seeker? Just like the word "censure," this is not a term everyone is familiar with. Is that someone who's into getting fucked by dogs while in bondage? I've never tried that personally, but like, hey that sounds like an amazing Saturday if someone ever offered and our schedules lined up. Is a "fetish seeker" someone who looks at internet porn but has never been in a loving committed relationship with an animal irl? I don't really have a problem with that either? Some people haven't met the right four-legger yet, or just don't get the opportunity to meet animals like that because of their living situation. And even backing up to earlier in this point, "Discourage the practice of bestiality in the presence of fetish seekers," what exactly am I discouraging here? Should I discourage them from having sex with animals? Discourage anyone from having sex with animals when they're in the same room as a fetish seeker? Or, is it, when I'm talking to a "fetish seeker," I'm supposed to act like bestiality at large is discouraged, like, I have to act like no one at all should do it?
The language of these principles can be unclear and confusing. I don't always know exactly what we're talking about, and I've seen other zoos disagree about what they mean too.
So, I've pointed out some possible defects. What's my suggested fix?
I think we should leave the Zeta Principles as they are, but adopt a new, second set of principles for 2025. Something that reflects the current community's concerns more effectively, and something that is more clear. I want to suggest the Zeta Maxims.
The Zeta Maxims are:
1) Humans are in the same moral category as non-human animals; humans and non-humans can and should elevate one another's lives, including their health, pleasures, and sense of purpose; humans and non-humans can and SHOULD NOT act destructively to one another's lives, including their health, pleasures, and sense of purpose.
2) The first Maxim, within ones means, extends to practicing Veganism.
3) The first Maxim, within ones means, extends to practicing Activism.
Basically what I'm saying here is, as a bottom-line rule, we should be considerate to animals. Don't rape them, obviously. Mind their health and overall wellbeing, if they're an animal in your care. The basic stuff that I think all ethical zoos can agree on.
And then, if you're able to, start thinking bigger. If you're an Average Joe, there are probably some pets in your life who you think positively of, but there are also a lot of animals on your plate, who are being mistreated in ways you would be appalled by if your pets were put through the same processes. Cut that stuff out of your own life, if you can afford to. And then, if you can afford to, try to better the lives of animals at large as well. It's good for you. It's good for them. It's good for the planet.
Article written by Alissa Dogchurch (January 2025)
Questions, comments or concerns? Check out our Discord server! http://discord.gg/EfVTPh45RE
