Zooey Game Master Tips

Do you play tabletop role-playing games with any zoosexuals? Do you not necessarily play any tabletop role-playing games with any zoosexuals, but you're sussing out that someone at the table might be a zoosexual, and you'd like to make the experience better for them?

Here in this article, I'd like to offer four ideas to keep in mind to help zoo players have a better time at your table!

1. The Animals Can Talk

Throughout the course of designing an encounter, you may end up putting some woodland critters into the scene. For example, you may have hawks picking at a corpse on a trail, and then the party arrives, and the hawks fly off and the party is meant to investigate why this dead body is here, who they might be, what might have befallen them.

Now, ordinarilly, woodland animals cannot speak in the common tongue of your party members. That said, there are a number of spells and abilities that might be able to allow a party member to speak with animals, such as Speak with Animals. There are also lots of reasons in a magical universe why a woodland animal might be able to talk regardless of whether or not someone in your party specifically expends a spell slot to talk to them.

And so, it's good to be prepared to be able to speak as the critters, in case it comes up. Maybe the party does start to investigate this body, and a party member wants to ask the hawks if any of them saw what happened, or if the hawks have noticed anything about this dead body that matches with any other dead bodies they've seen just like it. The hawks could be a lot of fun to add to the scene :3 rather than just saying "uh no the hawks don't know anything, they fly away."

2. No Innocent Bloodshed Is Required

As a zoo who has been a player in a lot of tabletop role-playing games, I don't really love it when the leader of the game introduces a pack of wolves, and expects us to fight them. I waste turn after turn trying to communicate with the wolves, reach some kind of mutual understanding, try anything in my toolbelt before hitting them with a fireball. And, sometimes this tactic works, sometimes this tactic does not work.

As a zoo, I really appreciate when a game master puts options other than violence on the table. Maybe being allowed to simply show hostile woodland enemies that we mean no harm, we're leaving, we won't bother them at all. Maybe some mechanic where we can make the woodland critters unconscious, get out of their hair, and then they can wake up later while we're miles away. And if you really need this wolf fight, make them awakened shifters or something, make them a group of humans who are total dicks who became wolves for really evil reasons, and now that I don't think of them as animals-animals, I actually might be inclined to tussle with them.

Just try to keep in mind, "hunting" and stuff that might sound really normal and fine to you, there might be others at the table who think about these "normal" things in a really different way than you do, and have feelings about it. Tabletop gaming is all about being able to solve problems in a million different ways depending on how your party wants to approach things. When designing encounters, reward players for creativity when it comes to thinking outside the box. If your party would rather part with some of their hard earned food to befriend the wolves as opposed to fighting them, that's great! 

3. Animal Genitalia Exists

In TV shows such as anime, it's common to have "fan service," which is to say, there is often just a boob shot for no reason other than to show the viewer boobs, because presumably a lot of viewers enjoy seeing boobs. Hey boobs are cool and everything! That's fine that this is a thing!

And if there's a zoo at your table, they might highkey enjoy it if you mention that this horse you've found wandering through the fort has a shiny black coat, hooves and horseshoes that all seem healthy and well, and also has a huge nutsack, like, even for the phrase "hung like a horse," this horse is packing EVEN MORE than you would expect. And the party doesn't have to DO anything with that information, they can just continue on through the fort, maybe offer the horse a carrot if the horse wants, but just mentioning that kind of thing is a real chef's kiss to setting any kind of scene with an animal in it.

4. Animal Companions

There are a number of classes in RPGs such as rangers, druids, and warlocks that are able to get little friends that are able to accompany them on the journey. Often, these critters have mechanics to be tools for gameplay, but why not give them something to do as characters too? Sure, some characterization has to come from the players themselves, since they're in control of the party. But being a game master is about creating scenarios for the players to react to. If you never present situations in which the party's animal companions have something to interact with, they never will. If your warlock has a cool raven companion, maybe present some fun shiny things that they feel drawn towards. If your ranger has a dog friend, maybe put other dogs in the game that they can meet. That's such an interesting moment in a story. How does a battle hardened dog that's been through a whole adventure react to meeting some local stray dogs in a city? Are they grumpy and distrustful? Are they immediately friendly? Are they shocked to see someone just like them? You're giving your player a chance to roleplay with their animal friend in a way that makes them feel like they're a part of everything else. 

And, even if you don't have one of those classes in your game, there's no reason at all that your group can't just naturally meet an animal and then keep them around because they like each other's company. In the hit game Baldur's Gate 3, you come across a dog who's friend has recently passed away. With a few good roles, you can convince the dog to come back to your camp and live with you. They don't necessarily do anything, they don't fight, but any time you're resting up they're just around to hang out and interact with. It's a nice little thing to make camp seem a little bit more fun and lively. 

Also, if you're in a campaign that involves a lot of travelling around, why not give the party some horses? They can be totally non-magical, but that doesn't mean that you can't give each horse a unique description and a bit of personality. Maybe one horse is the biggest and the most ill-tempered, but learns to respect one player in particular and is snarky towards everyone else. Maybe there's one that's really snacky, and stops to eat a lot. Maybe there's one that's really scared and runs away at the first sign of danger. Names go a long way too: Encourage your party to give them names and treat them like side characters, and those horses can become something really important to your party even if they don't have any key story relevance. 

So yeah!

Animals likely exist in whatever world you're playing a role-playing game in, and zoosexuals might exist at your table. So it's cool to be inclusive and think of them! Zoosexuals love animals, so any animal-positive things you can do for them will likely be really appreciated.



Article written by Ocelot Kawaii (December 2024)

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