How to Better Identify a Zoophile
Hey there losers, xxxZoophileHater666xxx here. I've once again hacked into the Pooey Dot Pub magazine server. It took me a little while because for some stupid reason they changed their website to the objectively worse zooeydotpub.zdu.se. I'm sure it's somehow part of the conspiracy, but I haven't put the pieces together yet.
While I work on that though, I came back for another reason. Many people reached out to me in my Discord serverThe Zoo (where we just hit 100 members by the way!) to complain about my last "How to Identify a Zoophile". People were saying that while I talked a lot about things that zoophiles like, that doesn't really help with how to actually spot them. Apparently "All Greek eople are oophiles" wasn't specific enough?? Well, you can read my first brilliant piece of evidence her
ut I thought I would make things even easier so you can be 100% sure when you see someone on the street whether they shag dogs or not.
Okay, first of all, let's talk about gender. There's a very good chance that men that aren't in relationships are zoophiles. If someone isn't in a relationship with a human, what other options are there? That's right. Animals. Anyone who's not in a relationship that should be a big red flag as far as their zooeyness. Unless of course they were in a relationship before but got dumped by their SHITTY ex and are just having some bad luck finding another girlfriend, like me. Also, women just in general are a red flag. And men that are in relationships with women by proxy, that's also only one degree of separation so that's still a little bit suspicious. Men dating men as far as I can tell are in the clear.
Now, I'm sure you've all heard the stereotype about white women and dogs. And like most rumors you hear on the internet, that's true. But it's not just white women. We know about white women from cave paintings found from dinosaur times about people getting it on with animals. It just makes sense. If your great great ancestors were doing it, it's in your blood. You're a zoophile by proxy. Hell, one of my friends (who's a vet btw) told me that you can actually produce deformed abominations by doing it with animals, and so maybe that's where all zoophiles come from. Anyway, everyone knows about the cave paintings in Italy and Portugal (where white people come from), but there's also similar paintings in Brazil, Japan, China, India, Persia, Thailand, and Russia. Well, not all of them are like, cave paintings. But the all old art, you get the idea. So, anyone who's either from those places, or descends from them has a good chance of at least being zoophile adjacent. I know that it can be hard to tell sometimes what ethnicity someone is, but if they're anywhere from white to a dark mocha I'd say that's potentially unsafe.
As far as age, this one is a little bit easier to answer. A lot of zoophiles don't like talking about how old they are, but if you're a zoophile you're stupid, and therefore you're probably somewhere from 14-22. At least, based off of all the research that I've done on X. Past that, I guess they just die from all the disease or something.
Now, you might think that all zoophiles are super ugly, since they're getting on with an animal instead of doing it with another human like a normal person. They can't get another human partner, so they get an animal instead. And while that's also true, it's a bit more complicated than that. Yes all zoophiles are ugly, but some of them also aren't ugly. Also, attractiveness is subjective. Some people call me ugly even though I'm actually very hot so don't use this as a factor when determining whether someone's a zoophile or not.
Now, of course, one easy way to spot a zoo on the street is to see if they have a dog or not. As we went over last time, all pet owners are zoophiles, but I want to get a bit more specific since some people complained that was a bit vague. Here's what you look for if you see a human with an animal. If the animal is "intact" (as in not fixed) that's a red flag. Obviously there's only one reason that a human would want an animal to keep their genitals. But also, I've learned that there are some zoos that are asexual, as in they have an animal that has gone through the procedure. These zoos are going to have animals that look like animals the way god intended, so keep an eye out for that. Last but not least, some people are going to not have animals when you pass by them on the street. This does not absolve them of suspicion as their dog might be at home. Anyway, hopefully that cleared that up.
There's one more strategy for catching zoophiles that I want to give you before I let the signal go again, and it's asking them. If you have someone who you suspect of being a zoophile, the first thing you should do of course is to make a call out post about them. It's important to make sure that everyone is aware that talking with them might transfer the zoo mind virus to them. Once you've done that though, something you can try is confronting them about it. It's actually very easy. You go up to them and say "Are you a zoophile". Chances are that they're going to lie and say no, but that's exactly what a zoophile would do. At that point, you've caught them, assuming all the other factors make sense as well, of course.
And there you go. There's a much more in depth look at how to spot a zoophile on the street. Between this and my last post on this "magazine" (how can it be a magazine, it's online. Dumb zoophiles), you should be more than ready to set out and find a couple zoophiles for yourself. You now possess the tools to spot them so you can keep your pets safe from them. Until next time, this is xxxZoophileHater666xxx signing off!
Article written by Tarro xxxzoophilehater666xxx
Find them in the ZILF Discord server (Or check out the ZDP server at discord.gg/EfVTPh45RE)
